Jonathan is one of the first people I met after Heath, many years ago. He was shy and reserved around me for a long time, but came often to visit and was always kind and very supportive. He said we had a long history from previous lives and in our most recent one, we were siblings. He did feel brotherly to me, and I innately trusted and loved him.
He did not have it easy when he was here, and set himself up for some tough lessons in this life. He was a well-known child and adolescent actor, which I have come to believe must be one of the more challenging ways to learn deeper self-worth soul lessons in this society. To develop as a healthy, functional human being through the childhood and teenage years can be challenging enough. To do it under public scrutiny must be excruciating on many levels. We are so vulnerable when we are young, so open and exposed and raw in our need for love and acceptance.
Jonathan was no different, and his message was particularly poignant to me. It is beautiful, and powerfully written.
8/24/14 – JB
This is very hard for me, as it has been a long time since I’ve been able to speak publicly about my life. I have a lot to say, but have not had the avenue to say it until now. Much of what I need to share has to do with messages you will hear from others, about the way celebrities are treated in this culture. But I have a slightly different view from someone such as Robin, because I was a child actor, and that comes with a whole different set of challenges.
The pressure was on me from a very young age, not only from my family and myself, wanting success, but from the industry. I modeled, I acted, I wanted to be known. I wanted to be loved and admired and this was the avenue I chose. I adored my fans; I adored that they adored me. It was validating and it was fulfilling, or so I thought, for many, many years. It filled me up with a sense of purpose and belonging, and that is what we all want on the most basic level – belonging. Acceptance. Admiration.
We come into this life nearly starved for the most basic of rights, self-love and compassion, kindness toward ourselves and others, a feeling of belonging and acceptance, a feeling of connection with those around us. Many, many of us come into this world with serious self-worth issues, serious lack of trusting and loving and believing in ourselves. I was no different, which is why I chose to go the “fame” route on a soul level. I had many things to learn, most of which had to do with how I saw myself, and how I loved and accepted myself and felt my own worth.
Sadly, I did not feel my own worth outside of my career. I struggled and fought to be as confident as I needed to portray in public, but there was a great fear and insecurity underneath, fear that I would be found out to be the fraud I felt I was. The truth was I was in pain, I was lonely, and I was desperately in need of help and human connection. I lived in fear of all of that being found out, of all of my deepest insecurities coming to light. I thought it would destroy my career, destroy everything I had worked so hard for, destroy my reputation in the eyes of the public. If someone discovered I was human with human flaws, deeply human flaws such as fear and loneliness and insecurity, I felt the public would destroy me. I ended up destroying myself, but that was my own lesson to learn.
What I want to share is that once I got back home to the Other Side, I reviewed my life choices along with all my past lives, and realized that the thing I had been searching for all along was already inside me – I was just too blind to see it. I was worthy, I was full of love and compassion and goodness and light. I just didn’t see it. I relied on outside sources to validate my existence, my worth, and that was where I went wrong in my lesson. It was all inside from the beginning.
It is all inside all of us, that is what I want to say. For some reason most of us choose to be born forgetting our brilliance within – the true worth and love and light of our soul. We spend the entire time on this planet trying to remember that. Some of us go about it the wrong way. But in the end, it always turns out it was there all along. Like Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz. We need to begin loving and trusting ourselves like we never have before. We are beautiful, divine souls. We are fully worthy of love and compassion and good things, though none of us believes that.
I have learned my lesson, now that I’m on the Other Side. My hope is that many of you can learn yours before you get over here. It changes everything to live a life believing and trusting in yourself, truly loving yourself and feeling the truth of your worth as a human being and as a soul. Everything will change if you start living life as you were designed to – as beautiful souls living a human existence so you can work on lessons.
Please take it from me, it is well worth it to turn inward and work on those demons, heal your wounds, and feel the brilliant light begin to shine out from within. You all deserve this. Not one human being doesn’t deserve to feel that way. Please learn from those of us who have crossed before you. The love is there, the light is there, the worth is there, all inside you. It is all inside you. You just have to recognize it. You deserve this.
Know that we are all watching out for you on the Other Side, and rooting for you to make the changes that are needed to evolve and embrace the true essence of your souls. You have a huge cheerleading squad on this side, all of us who have come before you and struggled with the same lessons you do. You can do this, and you deserve it. Feel the love inside you, the light. It is there. It always has been.